2010 Reflection & 2011 Resolution

Inspired by last night sharing.
How was 2010?
My grandma, who was a big part of my childhood, departed in the beginning of last year.
I remember writing to God & telling Him how regretful I was. Because fear & avoidance kept me away... Her pass on strucked me: I could have cherish her more. What was I thinking? If I had the true courage to face all the naysayers.

I left my full time job in March because the employer was unethical. And ever since I've been taking up Temp/contract assignments. To date, I am still holding on to my 4Th temp job. Yes, $8/hr.

Friends on the "same track": Some started their family with beautiful kids and a shelter of their own. Others are doing well in their career. My younger sis is earning a stable income. In the world's point of view, I am struggling with all aspects of my life in 2010.

Yes, there were times my faith were shaken, questioning the Lord: How long? When is my appointed time?

I must say that I truly live and gained a lot in 2010. Matthias said it was one of my best year yet and I believe he saw the transformation in me. In the past, the fear of feeling the hurt stopped me from doing a lot of things that I could - the simplest thing: Open up my "guarded heart" to friends.

Because I accepted Christ on 7Th February- the day when a MASSIVE exchange took place. All of my past mistakes, screw up, wrong choices, decisions etc were redeemed by His mighty love for me...

I remembered that I was worshiping Him on a particular night, it was a new level for a new believer. My heart was bursting with joy. I learnt this from The Daily Bread: The Heaven rejoices and is throwing a party up there for each and every of His children's salvation. 7Th March: I tweeted this: It's everlasting, that's why the bees are dancing. Even the bees were clubbing late at night, up at 12Th storey, in my room. And that was my first step of my walk with God.

What did the Lord teach me last year? Stretch of faith. I didn't have prior marketing experience. I went to interview as an Ops Admin. My heart was ready to settle for something small than what God has meant for me. Overnight, the 6 months temp position was created for me. And there you go, 2010, I gained my very first marketing experience- Artwork, collaterals, Advertising, events and promotions for a shopping mall.

So 6 months contract has ended. I had 2 full weeks of "camp" with Him. I was learning all of Jesus and His Finished Work. Listening to Joyce Meyer's Podcast. Immersing in Pastor Joseph Prince's Devotional - 100 days of Unmerited Favor. You know, day to night- Soaking in His presence & feeding on Spiritual food. so, both spiritually & physically- I'm overweight. Haha.

Anyway, it is awesome start to learn true courage with the Lord. In kungfu context, I'm learning sword with my Father.

To begin this, I was a very timid child with bad temperament. Trivial matters, I would cry. Minor issues, I would threw tantrum. Kinda contradicting. A big part of me is an emotional being. Most time, I couldn't bear the sensitivity, the low-esteem thoughts. So, I decided to be cool and had an "exterior courage" since teenage years.

I thought I was independent & strong to deal with all. I wandered & wondered most of the time, doing things, going to places & exploring good food ALL with me, myself & I. I've been accustomed and overwhemed myself with this kind of lifestyle.

(I still think it is good because in life we need to isolate from the interaction & busyness to get to know yourself better in Christ or just your visions & goals etc)

However, I realised that the courage that I gathered was self-conviction. and based on self-effort- constantly evaluating & feeling bad about myself. In recent years, it seems that the so call strength and courage is gone. Like I would be reluctant to join my care group and was nervy and awkward in front of people. I cowardly went back to my comfort level. and once again, the same mistake: I am ok, I can handle this... I don't need anybody... I'm seasoned to this.

But God is good. He gave me double love. I went away and came back to my siblings in Christ. I thought I lost it, but I gained double of their love. They are lovely people.

And since that 2 weeks camp with Jesus, I've work out a lot. God, Jesus & me- every fear that set my heart contracted, I'm gonna bring it out unto You... I'm gonna face it, fight it & overcome it with MY GOD.

That brings me to what I want for 2011.
1) True courage
I'm gonna earn my certificate from Heaven institutes. With Jesus as my instructor... EVERY GOOD THING IS POSSIBLE.

2) Financial Breakthrough
Dear God, you know my heart about this.

3) A marketing position
And yeah, this shall come at my appointed time. A job that is fun involving both figures & creativity. It would be awesome if occasional travel to overseas is required.

4) See my family & friends blessed
I'm happy to see 'em joyful. I so want to bring my family on a holiday trip.

5) my other "complete half"
^_^ Lord, bring us together at the appointed time. My heart shall knows that it is him.

I'm gonna end with this:
Whatever dreams or miracles that you're waiting for, remember... You're closer than you think! (Inspired by Joel Osteen).

Lastly, I sincerely pray that may all your 2011 be fruitful, joyful & prosperous. In Jesus name, Amen.